so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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