dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
