my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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