It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
