it was like eating out sand paper
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
