I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
