i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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