please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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