Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
