Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
