You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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