My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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