I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
