omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
