i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
