Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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