So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
