end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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