I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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