I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
