Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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