U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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