matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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