when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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