last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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