I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
