Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fuck appropriateness.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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