What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
