Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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