Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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