I'm pants shitting drunk right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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