The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I enjoy the company of your penis
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
