I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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