Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
barbara walters just said penis...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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