I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
