Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we should paint friendship bongs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
