i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need moral support for this bender
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
