dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
