some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
