if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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