You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
