After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
