If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
