Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
