My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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