i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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