the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
