low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
