I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
