I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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