Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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