If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
