His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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