Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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