Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
