What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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