No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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