I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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