Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
