Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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