i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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