Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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