Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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