Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
