so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
