All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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