I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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