stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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