We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
