nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
