yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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