Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
