I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
